Monday, January 6, 2014

Linnea Quigley's Horror Workout (1990)

See Linnea shape up the Living Dead through Zombiecise! See sexy young girls die in a Slumber Party Massacre Workout! As if the title was not enough to sell you, Linnea Quigley's Horror Workout is a quintessential wrap up of everything that was great about 80's b-movies. Oh and it's exercise video to boot!

One of, if not THE biggest name for scream queens during the 'slasher' era, was Linnea Quigley. Forever in the minds of young men everywhere, Linnea starred in such classics as The Return of the Living Dead, Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers & my personal fav Night of the Demons. So why not capitalize on her popularity, and perhaps the fact that she was always willing to show some skin with a home video workout tape.

After a (mocking) disclaimer on how the producers are not responsible for any injuries that may occur while watching the video, our fun begins with an impromptu shower scene as Linnea prepares for her tedious workout. The short intro is then followed up by a visual aid of movie clips, introduced by Linnea herself, a day in the life of a scream queen if you will. The actual workout begins with various stretches as Linnea performs in front of a fireplace in her finest 80's heavy metal video attire, and of course a commentary filled with all sorts of double meanings. The only thing missing here is the laugh track.

After a short jog through a cemetery which seems to wake the dead from their eternal slumber, Linnea and a cast of zombies meet up at the backyard pool of her house....because, why not. What comes next may not have the same production value, choreography, or anything else featured in let's say Michael Jackson's Thriller, but it sure is entertaining.

And what workout would be complete without a slumber party.  Pillow fighting, popcorn eating, horror movie watching & exercising in skimpy PJ's with your friends to cheesy music. It all ends with the girls being picked off by a masked killer. After all it was billed as a HORROR workout.

From our star to the film crew, no one is trying to pull the wool over anyone here. This is not for fans of Jane Fonda, every second of Linnea Quigley's Horror Workout is incredibly self aware. It's strictly for b-movie or hardcore Linnea enthusiasts only. Besides with a running time of less than 60 min, what do you have to lose.

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