Children of the Corn: Revelation (2001)
Alright, so we’re at Part 7. No idea how that happened. At this point we have fully abandoned the cornfield location and moved into a depressing, run-down apartment building that looks like it houses unsold copies of its own later entries.
Our lead shows up looking for her missing grandmother and immediately gets hit with creepy tenants, hallucinations, cult stuff, and people mumbling dialogue like they’re trying to remember why they’re in this movie.
Michael Ironside is also here for some reason, which initially feels like this might actually turn a corner. Yeah… a corner straight into Children of the Corn: Revelation.
This barely feels connected to the franchise anymore. Outside of the occasional “He Who Walks Behind the Rows” mention, this is just some early-2000s straight-to-DVD bargain bin material. Could’ve been called anything. Probably “Lease of the Damned” or something.
It’s just boring. That’s the main issue. Not fun bad, not anything. Just grey nothing. I checked the runtime thinking it had to be ending soon, but I was sorely mistaken. That was the real revelation all along.
Children of the Corn: Genesis (2011)
Genesis. Which, unfortunately, is not the Phil Collins story. Nor is it about the Sega console, which would’ve been way more entertaining.
A couple breaks down and ends up stuck at a desert farmhouse, run by a religious duo who immediately give off the impression that something is off. There’s a weird locked shed out back, and everyone is doing that thing where they act suspicious and talk like they’re waiting for their cue to reveal they’re in a cult.
Spoiler: they are in a cult.
And somewhere in the distance, He Who Walks Behind the Rows is technically still involved, but he feels like he’s been trapped in franchise witness protection. Barely mentioned, barely present, just kind of hovering in the background like he forgot he was booked for this movie.
It’s not offensively bad, just incredibly forgettable in a way that feels almost worse. By the end, you’re just kind of impressed they managed to stretch “farm cult situation” into a full movie and still call it Children of the Corn. Wait, isn’t that what these movies were about in the first place? Genesis, you did it. You son of a bitch.
Children of the Corn: Runaway (2018)
This has a rather ironic subtitle, because I too wanted to run away from finishing this series.
Nearly two decades after Revelation, and seven years after Genesis, the franchise returns with what is “technically” Part 9…or 10, depending on how much you care about order. A fact that sounds completely made up, but is somehow true.
This time around, we follow a woman fleeing her past while the movie desperately tries to reconnect itself to the original mythology. A for effort, I suppose. The results don’t entirely land, but I’ve certainly seen worse. *Gestures vaguely towards the last two*.
There's a lot of wandering, a lot of flashbacks, and not much that actually holds your attention. It’s a film that somehow feels longer than it actually is. Which is impressive, because it’s not actually that long at all.
To its credit, the lead actress is delivering a performance that we haven’t seen in these movies in some time. The production is a step up, where I feel as though they at least tried. For that reason, I’d rank this somewhere near the top of the list. Which says much more about the other films than this one.
After nine movies, I don't know if I've gained a greater appreciation for the franchise or simply developed Stockholm Syndrome. Probably the latter.
Somewhere in the middle of all this, a made-for-TV Syfy Channel remake debuted in 2009. I didn't forget about this one, I just don't care anymore. That's another Phil Collins reference.
Anyway, there was ANOTHER remake in 2020, and we all remember what a wonderful year that was. I haven't watched it and have absolutely no intention of doing so. Which is exactly what I said three years ago before I came back and watched the rest of these.
See ya in 2029.
The previous entry in this series can be found here:
http://www.unseenfilms.net/2023/06/children-of-corn-sequel-retrospective.html
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