Saturday, October 30, 2010

Clementine (2004)

I picked this film up as an import DVD because it was a Steven Seagal film I had never seen.

What a HUGE mistake that was.

Let's start with a warning: If you're looking to see this for Steven Seagal then rent it or borrow it do not buy it because you will be majorly disappointed. Seagal is on screen for maybe ten minutes if you include all of the shots of him on TV monitors. If you don't count the monitors its a couple of minutes less, and its a not very good fight scene.

The real star of the movie is Dong-jun Lee who is a karate champion who lost in a rigged match (which I think was against Segal, I couldn't be sure). The match occurred as his wife/girlfriend went into labor and gave birth to their daughter. The wife/girlfriend dies on the delivery table and the girl was put into an orphanage from which Lee retrieves her. Years pass and Lee becomes a cop. After he breaks heads while making a bust he is forced to retire from the force and turns to cage fighting to pay off his debts to the people who's heads he broke. He's such a good fighter (yea right) that the mob wants him to fight the world champion Steven Seagal. However in between all of that is a great deal of soap opera as the mother is found not to be dead and wants to get her little girl back (or some such nonsense).

Its awful.

In between hitting the fast forward to get to something interesting and watching badly acted scenes at normal speed I sat there slack jawed at just how incredibly stupid this movie is.

What kind of movie is it? Comedy? Family Drama? Its not really an action film.

What is Seagal doing in this movie? If he did it for a paycheck he got all of the money. My guess is that this was suppose to be a family drama of some sort and somehow Seagal got roped in to doing a days shooting. The producers were happy because they now had a film that they could market as a Steven Seagal flick. Since there is no real release outside of Asia my guess is that anyone looking to release this saw it for what it was and dropped it. Thankfully you will not be seeing this any time soon playing on American TV (or any other TV for that matter.)

Avoid this one. Its just not worth it. Yes, it has a few good moments, hence a 2 out of 10 rating at IMDB, but its just a mess of a movie that's not even good enough to make fun of.

(NB:If you must see Seagal's scenes fast forward to one hour and twenty three minutes in)

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