Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Capsule reviews- Two stinkers from Thailand

Today's films are on my replay in hell list. You know when you're in hell fire and there are 9 million channels and only one movie on. Both of today's films are from Thailand, but please don't hold that against the country, they make better films then these would lead you to believe.

I hate this movie.

I hate this movie more than I hate any person. Why? Because I haven't found anyone I hate enough to give my copy of the movie to. Yea its THAT BAD.

The film has something do do with a break up. We watch as a woman mourns the break up of her relationship. There are longing looks. Long shots where nothing happens. Scenes that mean nothing are repeated. Somewhere along the way we get something do do with a dead kid...and ultimately we find out...assuming my tortured memory is right...the break up was actually her death. (sorry I've spoiled it but I just saved you 90 minutes)

One of the dullest least interesting films I've ever seen. NOTHING happens...repeatedly. Its horrible. Its not a mediation is an out and out painful experience. The only thing I can say is that if you like looking at the lead actress while she stands around and does nothing then perhaps you might like this. Then again I suspect not even her mother or her most smitten stalker would make it all the way through this film with out asking out loud if "are the f-ing kidding me?' ten or fifteen times. Avoid it like the plague.

Husband takes his new wife back home to a resort in the jungle. Then nothing much happens for the better part of an hour before we get weird "haunted happenings" all of which are done in a bad style that would make Ed Wood and other "bad" filmmakers look like geniuses. It transpires that years earlier there was a set up deal where the man had scammed a young woman into marriage and out of the resort and when she found out she was killed accidentally. Now years later her spirit wants revenge and shows up to get it. At that point we get some of the stupidest most inept revenge scenes ever put on film. Its awful and so bad as not to be even remotely fun.

I would tell you that the films are out on DVD, but that would be wrong since you might take that knowledge to pick up these pieces of trash and hurt yourself. I can't risk that. Please don't watch either of these films, sure I did, but I have good insurance and they cover stays in mental hospitals. Forget these films. Take it from someone who should be considered to have stuck his hand in the wood chipper so you don't have to.

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