Two Gladiators

When Emperor Marcus Aurelius dies his son Commodus takes the throne. He is such an evil force a senator who knows he has a hidden twin brother runs off to find him and bring him back in the hope that he can seize the throne for good.

Made in the wake of FALL OF THE ROMAN EMPIRE the film is a good little historical drama that moves along at a good clip. Echoing the Oscar winning GLADIATOR the film is much less pretentious and it its way much more fun than the Oscar winning film.

Worth a look.

Alone Against Rome (1962)

After subduing a rebellious province a Roman counsel takes over the home of one of the wealthy citizens pressing the daughter of the owner into service.and sending her fiance to the arena. A rebellion rises up in an effort to over throw the Romans.

Better than average historical drama is ripe for rediscovery. How this film didn't get attention after GLADIATOR, which looks to have lifted bits of this, is beyond me.

The film scores with a great cast,  and great action sequences that don't appear to be walked through. This is a film where everyone actually seems to care about hat is going on. This is more than a just a paycheck job.

What also sets the film apart from other similar films is that the film doesn't focus on simply one or two characters. There is a wade swath of people populating the film and as a result things feel more real. Additionally there is shading to the Romans. They are not all black or white but a shade of gray with their actions truly being okay in their eyes. This adds a complexity almost always missing from other similar films.

One of the best sword  and sandal films ever made is definitely one to search out

Hercules and the Captive Women hits Bluray April 13

 

There is a running battle between Ken, one of the founding writers of Unseen Films, and myself concerning Hercules and the Captive women. Ken absolutely hates the film and can not understand why anyone would ever want to see it. His opinion is based solely upon the Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode which roasts a very cut version of the film. Ken was always puzzled as why anyone would want to bother with the film when it was so bad. I of course loved the film, it’s actually one of the best sword and sandals films, especially considering that the entire MST3K episode runs 90 something minutes when the full version of film runs 102 minutes which means that probably a half hour if not more was cut from the film.

The film has Hercules trying not to get involved in the events that are causing strange weather in Greece. Kidnapped and sent off to sea Hercules and his son eventually end up in Atlantis where he battles the evil queen and ultimately causing it’s sinking.

The film is a blast and aside from the now infamously regrettable line about the “blood of Uranus” isn’t as clunky as the MST3K episode would lead you to believe.

Those of you wanting to see what the film really is  all about should make an effort to get the special edition that Film Detective has put out. A beautifully restored version of the film that is the best way to see the film short of tracking down a copy of the film in Italian. This edition is so good that I can finally get rid of all my other versions of the film.

The real reason to get the film, beyond a gorgeous looking edition of the film, are the extras. Two of them the film Hercules and the Conquest of Cinema: A Swords and Sandals Documentary from Daniel Griffith at Ballyhoo Motion Pictures and the commentary track by film historian Tim Lucas  are so good that they need a second or third viewing before I give them their own entry.  Seriously between the two you will get a new appreciation for the genre and the films that make it up. Additionally MST3K’s TV’s Frank, Frank Conniff gives us a sweet introduction to the film and as an added bonus Film Detective has included the MST3K episode so you can compare what was chopped out of the film to make it into a yuck fest for Joel and the bots.

This is a great film and a great  presentation. Highly recommended

Stay At Home Festival Bonus Film: 7 Rebel Gladiators

A couple of nights ago I gave you 10 GLADIATORS. Tonight I give you 7. 
I know most of you don't need another sword and sandals film but here is one that is in the original Italian in a gorgeous print so why not give it a try.

Stay At Home Fest Bonus Film THE TEN GLADIATORS (1963)

First of three films featuring the 10 Gladiators who end up kicking ass and taking names. It's one of the more enjoyable sword and sandal films

COLOSSUS OF THE ARENA (1962)

Maciste is back in action helping a young queen battle the forces who want her throne. The bad guys are a band of gladiators hired for their skills.

One of the more enjoyable Maciste  film has the right balance of action, comedy and intrigue. While we know everything is going to be alright- Maciste is Maciste after all, we can't be certain what is going to happen to him before the final fade out.

The film benefits from a serious production tat keeps the sets reasonable real and doesn't allow the proceedings to drift into the realm of outright silliness. The action is also really well done with the muscle man nonsense never getting out of control.

I really like this film and highly recommend it.

Taur The Mighty

Taur the Mighty needs to be done on Rifftrax or MST3K. A WTF sword and sandal movie that would be mildly entertaining if the costuming didn’t push it into “you have to be joking” territory.

 The film has the mighty Taur taking on the evil Kixios after they kill a king and steal his daughters. What follows is typical (and not wholly bad) muscle man nonsense.

The problem is that costuming is silly beyond belief with heads dresses that will double you over with laughter.

Worth a look for lovers of bad movies. More so if the riffers get a hold of it.

Sinister Capsules SINS OF ROME and TRIP TO MARS (1918)

Sins of Rome
Almost a decade before Stanley Kubrick and Kirk Douglas took on Spartacus a version of the story was produced in Italy where it ran roughly one third as long. Differing in a lot of ways from the Kubrick film Sins of Rome still scores thanks not only to the differences but also a real visual sense. Feeling very much like it is the real world and not Hollywood’s idea of it the film has a lovely lived in quality. While the dubbing is adequate the underlying performances are fine and compelling. Recommended.

Trip to Mars (1918)
This is a story about a trip to Mars which finds the planet inhabited by peaceful people.
Interesting if dated film looks good and is an intriguing footnote in the history of space travel films. The film is full of point and shoot sequences and tableaux that give the film and quasi-epic feel that make the film feel much more static than it should. Worth a look for silent film fans and those with an interest in the history of science fiction films, but for others it’s going to be a little going a long way

SIGN OF GLADIATOR

Head of the Roman legions allows himself to be taken prisoner by the army of Palmira. Tricking his way into meeting the queen he swears loyalty. Eventually they fall in love, complicating his mission to  crush the enemy army.

Decent sword and sandal film looks spectacular and has a good story. Better than many other similar films, this is one you'd probably watch a second time. While the film can be more than a bit soapy it remains compelling thanks to gorgeous wide screen photography.

Definitely worth a look.

Sinister Capsules CHINESE MACK and MACISTE IN KING SOLOMON'S MINES

CHINESE MACK (1974) (aka Jue Zhao aka Martial Arts)
Young kid wants to learn martial arts. When he grows his family is threatened by gangsters...and you've bee  here before.  That said this is a really good martial arts film with a well told story and some killer action seuences which seem to pop up every couple of minutes. Highly recommended
(A word of warning the film does contain a dog fighting sequence about half way in)

MACISTE IN KING SOLOMON'S MINES
Good looking but rather dull film has the kingdom where King Solomon's mines is located over thrown by greedy no good nicks. In desperation word is sent to Maciste to come and help. He arrives only to fall under a mind control spell- eventually breaking free and pitching the baddies. Lots of shots that would be better placed in a Tarzan film fill the running time. Its not bad but after a good first ten of fifteen minutes it becomes dull and a tad silly.

The Conqueror of the Orient (1960)

I have no idea what this looks like in its full widescreen uncut version but in the current full screen heavily edited version is a hoot and a half.

The Conqueror of the Orient is the story of a fisherman who dreams of returning to the city where his family was usurped by a false ruler. Its a film that hit every cliche of a story like this with wild abandon. There is nothing here you haven't seen before a thousand or two thousand times before. That doesn't mean it isn't fun, especially if you're in the mood to make comments when it plays out.

The film is also of interest to those of us who are old enough to remember a life before 1000 cable stations and when the Late Late Show meant cheesy movies. This is exactly the sort of film that used to run at 2am with regularity I miss those days so getting to see something as oddly dubbed as this brings back childhood memories if sneaking down to the livingroom at night to watch some wonky film.

The film was made by Tanio Boccia working as Amerigo Anton.Boccia made a living in the 50's and 60's cranking out serviceable epics such as this, numerous Hercules like films and even The Revenge of Ivanhoe which I reviewed a couple of months back.

Available in various discount DVD forms as well as on line at You Tube and Amazon Prime I recommend this film if you enjoy mindless silliness.

Brennus, Enemy Of Rome (1963) (aka Battle Of The Valiant)

Brennus of Gaul moves on Rome in 391 BC. Unfortunately the one man who can save the empire has been dismissed and wants nothing to do with it. Three brothers are dispatched to try to make peace and then...

Brennus, a stone faced golem of a man, was a real individual. Here, played by Gordon Mitchell, he is a frightening monster of a villain. At last here is a bad guy who is the worthy equal to the type of hero that walks through movies like this.

Amazingly this film is wonderfully plot heavy. More goes on in the first half hour than most two films of this kind combined. You watch the movie because what is happening is interesting, not because you're waiting for the next silly bit.

If this should come on some late night, watch it, it'll hold your interest enough to keep you up until dawn.

I picked this up from Sinister Cinema.

Gladiators 7 (1962)

Today is the last of the sword and sandal films of the week and I'm going to be brief because there isn't much that needs to be said...

Darius, son of of the king of Sparta is thrown into the arena for allowing five gladiators to escape. Fighting and winning a huge victory he is freed. Returning home he finds his father dead, supposedly a suicide, but really murdered by the new King. Rounding up the gladiators he helped escape he fights to get back his throne.

This is a good movie.

It starts and goes right to the end with no side trips. Even the romance which normally handled badly in most films of this type doesn't intrude, although it isn't really resolved either. Its the perfect rainy day film where everything simply works.

Goliath and the Dragon (1960)

Mark Forest as Goliath in a more spectacular than usual sword and sandal production. The film co stars Broderick Crawford as the villain trying to take over Goliath's kingdom while he is out battling monsters (lots and lots of monsters) in order to complete a task for favored goddess.

The film and the plot are typical for the genre, however the film has a larger than normal number of supernatural creatures including gods, multi-headed dogs, winged monsters, and a dragon. The film also has some large scale action set pieces that make it clear they spent a couple of bucks on the film. (even if you can frequently see the wires and zippers)

In no way serious or deep, its the sort of mindless spectacle that you can let wash over you on a Sunday afternoon. I've seen most of the films in the swords and sandal cycle and this is one of the most enjoyable and best made.

Worth a look-especially if you can get one of the great looking letterboxed editions floating around. (Check Sinister Cinema or Something Weird)

Maciste in Hell (1925)

What a great looking movie.

Several demons come to earth to begin plans for taking over the world. Standing in their way is Maciste a super strong good guy. The demons offer Maciste anything he wants if he will aid them however he turns them down. They eventually trick Maciste so that he ends up in hell where he proceeds to mop up the place.

If you've ever seen any of the sword and sandal films from the 1950's and 1960's with Maciste you're looking at the same character. Created in the 1913 film Cabria the do gooding muscle man has been helping the down trodden ever since. Not dressed as a muscle man, but instead as a country gentleman, Maciste's appearance may throw some people off, but rest assured its the same guy.

I love this movie. Its a great deal of fun. It looks great with demons,dragons and a giant that put most other film makers to shame (at least until the advent of computer graphics). This is an epic with thousands of demons and huge sets and great action and everything about a movie that makes you go WOW. There is a wonderful moral sense to the film that we no longer have and which adds a nice dimension to the film.

It also doesn't go in the direction you think it will which is great for those who think they've seen it all.

Silent or no, this is one of the best muscle man movies there is (trust me I've seen most of them) and is worth searching out. Even better its a damn fine movie in its own right.

See this movie or I'll send the flying demons after you.

Fury of Achilles (1962)

If you liked the film Troy and you want to see another version of the story track this film down because its a very different take and actually really good.

Unable to support the war in Troy, the Greeks begin raiding along the coast. While the classic heroes are off raiding the Trojans try a sneak attack against those that remain behind. Just as the battle turns against the Greeks, Achilles arrives to save the day...so goes the first 20 minutes of the film.

This is a telling of the end of the Trojan war just prior to the death of Achilles. Its a very strange film in that for a good portion of it you really can't stand the Greeks (the heroes of the movie)who are more interested in raping than fighting the war. They are shown to be petty people who are not really heroic and who spend more time fighting over women and gold than matters of state. I've seen the film a couple of times now and the fact that the supposed good guys are not so good really throws me for the loop, especially considering that in these sort of movies things are almost always cut and dry.

This is a big movie with a cast of thousands so you really do get armies clashing. Its one of the best looking and best acted films in the genre.

If the film has any flaws it's that it can be very unfocused and feels stretched by about 20 minutes. Its not fatal, but it does wound what it is for the most part an very good little film.

A word of warning. The film is out on DVD from a variety of sources, however you need to keep an eye out for two things when you pick up a copy. First off be sure the film runs about two hours. I've seen listings and actually had one copy that run about 90 minutes. It cut the life out of the film. The other thing to avoid is the Alpha Video release with Ali Baba and the 7 Saracens. Its a weak and snowy copy, and considering how many versions are out there of this film there is no reason to have to watch a bad copy.

Samson and the Seven Miracles of the World (1961) aka Maciste alla corte del Gran Khan

Other than a Hercules film that was done as part of our Mystery Science Theater 3000 week around Thanksgiving there have been no sword and Sandal films reviewed on this web site. As Ken is fond of saying "the fact that you like those sort of films is a sign that something isn't right with you" Probably, but the films are as mindless as they come and to me they are the perfect way to unwind.

Actually my love for the films comes from the fact that many sword and sandal films are full of really bad monsters. I'm a sucker for really bad monster suits.

This week I'm going to write up a few genre films that are worth your time. The reviews will be short and sweet since the films really aren't the sort of things that lend themselves to long discussions.

First up one of my favorite sword and sandal films, Samson and the Seven Miracles of the World. (Oddly its a completely monster free film)


Its not high art but it is highly entertaining.

One of the many retitled Maciste films about a muscle man who wanders the world and helps out people in need. The character was created in a silent film called Cabria where a dim but helpful muscle man helped a woman in need. The character took off and has appeared in dozens if not hundreds of other films. Most of what we think of as Hercules or related films are actually Maciste films retitled. (and yes the character is the source of the term machismo)

This time he's in China and helps a country find freedom by literally ringing the bell of freedom.

It has a couple of good fights, the hero saving men buried up to their heads from having chariots with bladed wheels from running over them and of course the classic causing an earthquake as he frees himself from his burial place in a mountain. It has exotic locals and takes itself just seriously enough that you can buy whats going on. If you get the chance try it.

As with most muscle man movies there are multiple versions of each film out. I being an insane person own multiple copies of many of them. With this film what ever version you get is probably okay with one exception- the Retromedia release. Stay away from it at all costs. Not only is the print badly mangled, its missing twenty minutes, making the plot line a joke. Avoid it as you would a nest of vipers.

The best thing to do if you want to see the film, or any sword and sandal film, is start out with Sinister Cinema. There prints are all good to great quality and they tend to be very close to complete.

Hercules And The Captive Women (1961) - MST3K Version (1992)

Not your typical episode (or Experiment, as MST3K shows are known), as Gypsy, the loveable dim-witted robot of The Satellite Of Love, wants to be included in the fun! She couldn't have picked a crappier movie, however, as Hercules And The Captive Women is filled with performances as stiff as the columns lining the buildings. Which is EXACTLY what you want in a selection for MST3K, as it just becomes more fuel for the rapid-fire criticisms being lobbed at the screen by Joel & The 'Bots. The dialogue is rather atrocious as well. I don't know if it's because this is an Italian production (so they were blissfully unaware of how it would translate), or if was just that no one cared, but when Hercules is told that "Today is in praise of Uranus", you can see why the Mystery Science crew were given THIS movie by the Deep 13 scientists to watch.

What I can't understand is the fact that The Overlord Of Unseen Films actually owns the original, non-MST3K version of this, and claims that the unedited version is better (MST has to edit films somewhat for time). The part I truly don't comprehend is how seeing any MORE of this footage could possibly be beneficial to mankind. The only thing that makes a film as horrendous as this watchable are the talking shadows in the lower right corner. This was featured during the Turkey Day Marathon on Comedy Central in 1993, and a turkey it is.

Filled with stupid and/or sleepy characters (and that's just your STAR!), how something like this gets made, and then released, is beyond me. But the MST3K crew are troopers, sitting thru drivel like this and making it entertaining to watch. Granted, there are plenty of scenes with short skirts running around...but seeing as how they're on all the MEN in the film, it isn't as enjoyable as it might sound. The only thing shorter than the skirts were the acting classes these people took; thankfully, Joel, Tom, Crow, & Gypsy (for a while...), do their best to make a lousy film fun to watch, breathing new life into something that frankly never had any life to begin with. And be sure to look out for the 30 seconds of footage that were the inspiration of the film. It should have been called Hercules Takes A Nap.

Oh, and as for Gypsy, well, it turns out she's just not down with the street.