Texas Chainsaw 3D (2013)

I’ve always had an appreciation for when a long-running franchise attempts to do something different. Take some swings. Sure, if I really had to think about it, the overall batting average probably isn’t great. Good, bad… whatever. If it’s taking chances, I can at least look at some of them objectively and say, “Nice try.”

It’s happened with Friday the 13th, Hellraiser, many others and certainly The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. I could even say it’s occurred a few times throughout this series. 

Texas Chainsaw 3D arrived nearly a decade after the New Line/Platinum Dunes revival duo that hit theaters in ’03 and ’06. The latter underperformed at the box office, so the rights eventually ended up with Lionsgate. Their hope was to create a new trilogy. But if there’s one thing that’s certain with this franchise, it’s that it’s a goddamn mess. We’ll circle back to that. 

Brief history time. When the rights were acquired in 2009, the studio demanded a 3D entry. Such was the style at the time. Horror and 3D were doing big business. It was visual spectacle over storytelling, but you play to the market.

Okay, so it’s going to be 3D. The original concept was for this to be a direct sequel to the original film, set in the mid-’90s. That sounds pretty interesting to me. But again, “original concept.” The studio kept the idea of it being a direct follow-up, but shifted the setting to modern day. Okay, sure. The problem was that it resulted in a plot hole so big you could drive a truck through.

After receiving word that she’s inherited a house in Texas from a relative she never knew existed, Heather (Alexandra Daddario) heads out on a road trip with a few friends to see what’s waiting for her. It seems like the start of a new chapter, but it doesn’t take long before they realize this old house comes with an unsettling family secret.

Simple enough plot. The opening picks up immediately following the events of the original. You get plenty of cameos here: the original Leatherface, Gunnar Hansen, John Dugan (Grandpa), and Bill Moseley (Chop Top from TCM 2). That’s a killer group right there. Even Marilyn Burns (final girl Sally) is briefly in an early scene. 

So, the sheriff and a mob of townspeople show up and start a gunfight, complete with Molotov cocktails. And there ya have it, the Sawyer family is wiped out. Well, aside from one baby… and Leatherface. Obviously. And if you’ve seen any movie ever, you can safely assume who that baby grows up to be.

However… timeline.

Established, the original takes place in 1974. This one takes place in 2013. Or let’s even say 2012, since that was the original theatrical release year. Daddario was 25 years old at the time, portraying a character somewhere between 38 and 40 years old. That’s stupid. There’s no way around it.

That said, and yes, this is a wildly unpopular opinion: it’s a really fun entry. It’s also easily in my Top 5 if I had to rank all nine films. 

I don’t hold this series in some high regard. Outside of the original, and sure, the second is a good time. The rest of ‘em? Results vary. While we’re at it, I enjoy TCM: The Next Generation simply for how unhinged Matthew McConaughey is. It’s not a good movie, but it sure is entertaining. 

I also don’t care for the remake. I hate the brownish-green filter that blankets the entire film. And I’m not a fan of replacing the Sawyer family with the Hewitts. Is it a more competently made film than the one above? Sure, but for me, that means nothing in terms of rewatchability.

I’ll take a ridiculous plot over something utterly forgettable. I’m not debating which film is better. But I do believe Texas Chainsaw 3D gets a bad rap because of the aforementioned plot hole and that one infamous line reading during the climax that’s been memed to death. And maybe those two things are deal breakers for some. 

Alexandra Daddario is a highlight. I mean, in every aspect. I really do like her character in this. The rest of the cast, maybe to a lesser extent. A few of them, you’re definitely anticipating getting killed off. That’s true with any of these entries, though.

The shift in Leatherface’s character needs to be discussed. I enjoyed the actor who played him here. He’s menacing. I like the mask. Also, he’s an anti-hero for the first time, which gives away a certain plot point. I get why that doesn’t work for some, but again, it’s something different. In this instance, I can accept it.

The practical effects and kills are spot on. This really does get pretty brutal at times. Aside from a couple of 3D moments. And of course some CGI, which, yeah, sure… it didn’t look great then, and doesn’t look any better now. Thankfully, those moments are few and far between. There’s also a scene toward the end at a carnival that makes for a colorful set piece.

This movie can be incredibly silly at times. I’ll never deny that. And at seven films deep, I don’t care. Give me all the bollocks. Yes, it’s a stark contrast, seeing as how this is supposed to be a follow-up to possibly the rawest horror film ever made. It has legit moments of tension, a solid lead actress, and yeah, it’s just fun. 

Going back to how the studio wanted a trilogy. Well, that didn’t happen. The follow-up to this was 2017’s Leatherface. A prequel to the original. In my opinion, whatever that’s worth after reading this, it’s the worst of the bunch. It does something different, but in this instance, doesn’t work for me. 

And about that. The continuity in this franchise is a disaster. Depending on which movie you’re watching, it’s either a direct sequel to the original, a remake, a prequel, or Part 2 never happened at all. It’s enough to give you a migraine. You start to feel like Charlie from It’s Always Sunny trying to explain the Pepe Silvia conspiracy. 

That’s how absurd all of this is. And it’s nowhere near as bad as Halloween.