Monday, December 31, 2012

2012 in Review The Worst of the Year (and a few disappointments)

Mercifully the year was relatively free of crappy movie events. Yes I had problems getting coverage of the New York City Horror Film Festival and my Gold Coast coverage got wiped out by a hurricane but mostly I can't complain about anything I atteneded.

I also can thank the the movie gods that while there were plenty of bad movies this year only a small percentage of really shitty films burned their badness into my brain to be remembered as the worst. Most of the bad films were simply not even worth noting on any level.

While I've forgotten most of the bad films I've seen, a few required some sort of notation.  WHile in several cases the films listed below were never mentioned here at Unseen Films, many ended up reviewed here because they played at various festivals, and I feel I have to review what I see. As you read the list please feel thankful that you didn't have to sit through them.

Here then is my list of the worst films I remember seeing in 2012:

SLEEPING BEAUTY- first of the bad films I saw concerned a girl who allows her self to be drugged so that men can fondle her. I need to see this why? Better question, you're showing me this because?

NEW YEARS EVE- Awful Gary Marshall film that exists to give its many stars a paycheck but nothing else.

QUICK- Stupid Korean action film (I do have to say that some other people here at Unseen did like the film)

PERHAPS SOMEWHERE- perhaps somewhere there is a good version of this movie. The least film at KAFFNY

DARK SHADOWS- Soooooooo disappointing. A great beginning gets pitched off a cliff in to uncertain tone, bad edits and piss poor jokes. Probably the worst Tim Burton film, even though it has a fantastic beginning.

OFF LABEL- alleged documentary on prescription drug abuses is a perfect example on how not to make a documentary. The best example of whats wrong with the film it tries to tell 8 or 10 complicated stories in under 80 minutes.

FREE SAMPLES- Who are these people and how can I kill them. Unfunny doesn't begin to describe it. Alleged comedy about an obnoxious woman in an ice cream truck. As I said back in April These free samples are poisoned.

RAT KING- Thriller about a weird on line game that kind of sort of could have worked if it pulled it together at the end instead of going even further off the rails.

ROOM 514- interrogator looks into a shooting by Israeli soldiers and throws logic and reason out the window. No one  behaves like this, no one...except people in bad movies

LAST WINTER- End of the world tale that makes no sense on any level. The only good thing about the film was my negative review got picked up by Yahoo News as an example of the bad things people were saying about it. 9 months later I still think the film needed zombies.

WAUMBA Documentary about a man going back to where he was raised in Africa only to realize the trip has no story potential so he bluffs a film anyway. It has a couple of amazing sequences but otherwise was complete waste of time.

GOLDEN SLUMBERS- The history of the Cambodian film industry reduced to memory and a few fleeting images. There is nothing to connect to since you never connect with what you're being told . A vitally important subject reduced to nothingness.

SAVOY KING- an enjoyable film about jazz great Chick Webb, but placed here because the film and its director failed to really say anything about the subject- a point driven home when the audience at the NYFF screening corrected him and told better stories than were in the movie.

MEMORIES LOOK AT ME- The Same conversation repeated in diferring static shots from start to finish.

Brian DePalma's PASSION goes here if it's supposed to be a serious thriller. If it's a satire it's off the list. It all depends on if the laughs are intentional

NATIVE SON- Richard Wright adapts his novel and stars in film that is too stilted by when it was made to be much of anything except frequently unintentionally funny

ST PIERRE- as boring and pointless as a short film can be.

TABU-Three part tale about Africa that I was told  gets better as it went on. I kept expecting an AH HA moment. It finally came when I realized if I left the screening right then I could have lunch and still get to the day job on time. I know that many people love this and have it on their best of the year list but I don't know what they saw in it.

LEVIATHAN- Abstract film about fishing. To me it's just ultra close up images mixed with loud noise, mostly a ship's engine. One of the more painful film experiences of the year where you never know what you are looking at except the occasional fish head with bulging eyes or seagull.

TWILIGHT BREAKING DAWN PART 2- I was told this is the best of the bunch and that non-Twilight fans would love it. I literally fell out of my seat laughing at the early scenes of Kristen Stewart and her superpowers. Things get even worse from there. As for the acting only Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner are any good.This movie stinks to high heaven and then some.

DARK KNIGHT RISES is not the worst film of the year, but it is probably the most disappointing. How could a filmmaker like Christopher Nolan make a film that has so many basic plot and continuity problems? I’ve got a rant on that coming in two weeks, but until then know the film is a mess.

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